Support comes from D.O.

McComb and Sons serving Fort Wayne families since 1925, with funeral, cremation and pre-planning services providing guidance through times of remembrance.

More information at DignityMemorial.com .

>> Hello, thank you so much for watching LIFE Ahead here on PBS for Wayne.

Always glad to have you in our audience rather and we want you to call in with your questions and concerns regarding this topic we have tonight.

And of course LIFE Ahead is a weekly program with some very vital information for adults of all ages.

And the topic tonight is funeral planning personalization and modern funeral service.

And I think that we will probably get a few calls on this and I know that you're going to be questions in your mind some things that you wanted to ask but were afraid to ask at different times and funerals and death and things like that they're inevitable.

But we should talk about them and address them and we're going to talk about how to plan for those so we don't have any last minute decisions to make down the road.

And with me tonight some special guests in my consideration.

Some people actually work with I've told our audiences when I've done HealthLine another program we do on PBS Fort Wayne as well as here on LIFE Ahead that I also work in the funeral profession as I got out of broadcasting full time about 14 years ago and I slid into the funeral profession and I love both of the careers I've been in and I have a special fondness for the funeral business and we're going to talk about some very important things and one of my special guests is Phil Michael off.

He's a general manager of a very large group of funeral homes in the Fort Wayne area and Caitlyn Pessina Brand Cheena pardon me a licensed funeral director who works in several of those locations.

So it's great to have you both here first time visitors here.

>> Thank you for having absolutely.

It's great to have you.

I want to talk about the traditions and how they've changed especially over the last 15, 20 years.

But I'm going to go back further than that because it's no big deal.

I'm going to be approaching the big seven oh eventually sooner than I want to.

But I've been going to funerals since I was a little kid and noticed just recently I won't say recently but it's been one of those things I have noticed over the years that we no longer have the two night visitations then the service on the third day when I was a kid we of course I felt like we were being dragged to the funeral home.

You know, for those two nights and would be for three or four hours for visitation time and then a pair it down to one night of visitation and then the service next day.

And I've noticed here in the last fourteen years or so since I've been in the business it's gone more into what we call a all in one day or two and one which is the visitation and the service and I know that traditions change over the years and but I just want to get some input from both of you and I'll start with with you Phil.

>> How would you attribute those changes?

So, um, I think the fact that families tend to be smaller now and or are more spread out and the economic factors to add to that long of a process and of course the increase in cremations that we've seen over the last 10, 15 years have just changed the way services are are done now.

>> Yeah, and again when I was much younger cremations you very rarely heard about I mean it was always the casket body going into a grave so I'm calling that a traditional funeral and then very rarely ever heard about cremation and then you hear more about it in the last twenty years or so.

And I have noticed and when I first got into this business as I was talking about in the green room before the show back even 14 years ago it was heavier on the tradition traditional burial versus cremation.

I would say at the funeral home I was working at that time it was 70 percent traditional burial, maybe 30 percent cremation.

>> What would you say the variables are now now we're seeing fifty fifty and it's trending higher for cremation and I know some of the funeral homes that we work for actually do more cremations than they do traditional burials and that's probably attributed to expense.

Would you say or convenience or maybe a little bit of both?

Yeah, both expense and just different FALACCI fees on on the way somebody chooses to have their final disposition whether it carbon footprint different aspects to it.

>> All right.

And I do want to mention because I was going to mention this at the beginning of the show but I got off of my little personal tangent talking about my personal funeral experience.

But we are taking phone calls on this subject which is very, very important.

Give to call to zero (969) to seven to zero to ask your questions live on the air or for us to transpose those or you can text us and the two numbers are on the screen.

There are two separate numbers and you can text us and just let us know what question you have and also from what town you're calling and also your name because we'd like to you do a traditional shout out to you and we appreciate you calling and texting tonight.

>> So do that any time in this next thirty minutes.

So we're talking about the the options.

>> So basically today we have the traditional burial when we have cremations.

So if a person has preplanned their final disposition and can those wishes be changed after a death occurs if those are already pre written?

>> Absolutely.

I think that's something to speak on as a funeral director myself that we get asked quite often is that mom wanted a traditional burial ten years ago but closer to the time of her passing she made mention that she wanted cremation but she still wanted to have the opportunity to have a visitation and service.

But she now wants cremation so we most certainly can do that.

>> Yeah, and I have actually seen that too where people had the traditional burial than they have switched to the cremation.

But just because you're cremated doesn't doesn't mean that you can't be viewed.

>> Is that correct?

Right, right.

So as far as we have what's called a traditional cremation where it's a ceremonial casket that is utilized for that visitation time and for the service and then after services are concluded, then the cremation is scheduled at a later date so the family can still have that traditional visitation and service time.

>> Are there any times I'm going to talk about funerals versus celebrations of life but are there any times a body is cremated before the actual celebration of life or funeral service takes place?

>> Absolutely we do that quite frequently.

I know again depending on the family's wishes in the next of kin wishes a lot of times we'll still go to a church and have the urn present the loved one there and be able to have that celebration of life or service still OK and I think that's that's great and that's a good option.

And of course if they're cremated you can still have a viewing which requires embalming.

Is that correct?

And I know that the state of Indiana does not have a law about this about embalming.

But I know certain companies do and certain funeral homes have policies where if it's going to be a public display of that body they have to be embalmed.

>> Can you explain why so a lot of that's just in that process after someone passes away the embalming is helping preserve them preserve their dignity so they look their best for a public viewing.

But again, it's not the law just most funeral homes do require that for a public viewing and they have a thing within the business called a family or a private viewing moment and that doesn't necessarily require embalming, does it?

>> That's correct.

But but only for close family members.

>> Correct.

So and sometimes even with cremation it doesn't even have to be a cremation.

But maybe there's a few family members that didn't get to say that final goodbye and then come to the funeral home and do that privately have that moment and then they can have that celebration of life later or or immediately following or something like that.

But the body's not present for the full traditional visitation.

>> OK, so you have the private family moment and then if they are viewed to the public if you're going to have a visitation viewing the body, they have to be embalmed.

>> Correct.

OK, let me ask you this if a body is not going to need a casket for burial, how to display a body for a cremation so kind of circling back to that traditional cremation terminology that we as funeral directors use a lot there is that ceremonial usage of that casket that is allowing the family to be able to have their loved one embalmed and have that visitation time and then that service and for that cremation to take place at a later date.

>> OK, so it'd be a temporary casket, right?

Exactly.

Yeah.

You certainly wouldn't wouldn't leave somebody just laying out on the table.

>> No, no, no.

I did hear there's a funeral home not in our city but not too far away that actually will lay a body to rest in a bed a like an old bed as if they were sleeping and sometimes requested my families which I guess if that's what they want.

But instead of being in a casket they're actually laying in a bed.

So it just depends you know, I think different funeral homes and different companies have their own ways of doing things.

>> But I thought that was very interesting.

We do have our another one question coming in at least for now is Jerry from Bluffton.

We thank you very much for your your your call is actually calling offline would actually ask us to read his question on the air.

He's saying what are the odds of chemical cremation becoming legal in Indiana and I wonder if he's talking about a cremation at the hydrolysis.

Yes, the process which it's been brought to the state legislators and it's it's being talked about it's being considered and so I think it's a high probability that it will be coming to Indiana.

You know how soon it's hard to tell but I think it will be inevitable comes here.

I know it's popular on the West Coast and it'll probably come clear over to the east Coast and that is the what is the process?

>> You're in a tank water filled with chemicals that will reduce the the tissues, the bones and so forth down into a liquid form and then it goes into the water system.

So we've got a little we've got a long way to go with that.

I'm sure have a lot more filtration and things like that going on.

But that's very interesting.

There's also another thing that is coming up necessarily going to bring this up.

But since that question came in, it's what is it the it's the natural it's actually where the human complex human composting.

>> Yeah.

And I'm sure we're very far from that at this moment.

>> It's definitely farther I think from being in Indiana but it it is being done in other states and and I we've been talking to Yeah.

Partners and other states on ways if somebody really wanted it in Indiana shipping a body to a state that would allow it and then bringing the remains back.

So there's there's ways to make it it happened but it'll probably be a while before it's legal in Indiana.

Yeah.

I don't see it happening overnight.

>> It could be on the way and of course we have to look out for the environmental repercussions as well.

>> Anything going on when it comes to that.

So I know the answer to this because I am a life celebrant for our company but I'd like for you both chime in on this or at least Caitlyn that defined the difference between a funeral service and a celebration of life.

>> I would have to say that I know Phil and I were speaking about this earlier that those are one of the same again, it's all just that those terminology that the public and families have used I know celebration of life has become a more commonly used term that is in regards to a funeral service whereas the funeral service is more, you know, religious based.

We're going to a church that's most people assume a funeral service is whereas a celebration of life may be at a venue that's specific to their loved one that they enjoy going to a specific restaurant and making that celebration of life more about them as a loved one and what their life was like right.

And when I went through my training to be a celebrant, the whole theme of the thing was no more cookie cutter funerals.

>> In other words no more fill in the blank and you know, read some psalms from the Bible which is fine, you know, and I've done both I've done religious and non-religious funerals but each funeral needs to be different because we're talking about an individual a different individual and and my whole philosophy is it is a celebration of life.

You're telling that person's life story and sometimes you get information written by the deceased before they passed away things they wanted said in their funeral that happens from time to time.

But most of the information comes from family members and people who are closest to them.

>> When you sit down and have a meeting, you know, days before the funeral service give give us time to get everything together and and write something nice.

>> So let's talk about the modern funeral services that we're actually seeing today.

>> What are some of the most common request families these days versus maybe a couple of decades ago?

I would have to say we definitely see more of a trend towards having a type of food offerings from more of like light snacks to something that's more tailored to the loved one's favorite type of food, whether that's barbecue Italian and then of course I would say the second part to that would be music making that celebration of life play their favorite not only genre of music but specific songs and artists and so forth to make that room feel as if that person's really there with you.

>> Yeah, and I know that many companies are actually doing things a little bit different.

They're thinking outside the box and I want to go because we have approximately what ten, twelve minutes left in the program.

I want to get to this because it's very important you brought some slides but let's go and bring a slide number one here and we're going to talk about this.

You were talking about the food and the options and this looks like maybe some lighter fare and I have seen people do full blown barbecues and chicken dinners and things like that.

So I mean that's entirely up to the family.

Of course if they come in if this funeral is not preplanned, they're they'll have options to choose from when it comes to the preplanning which we might be able to talk about before the end of the program.

Those things are usually requested and organized by the predeceased at that time.

So let's go to the next slide.

This is what some various options and I can see some other food options there and it looks like you have and the event space well event space yeah.

The catering room or the event space is I think the more commonly call it plenty of tables and chairs and look we've got the place settings and whoever caters this event we have list of caters who take care of the business.

>> I'm sure that you can choose the fair type of food how fancy you want to go and you can see that we've got different colored napkins there and it looks like a very colorful celebration of life or a funeral.

>> Let's go to the next slide and these are what are these called I call these memory tables.

That's what we use when we speak about it regarding for an at need arrangement funeral arrangement we talk about this is a nice option for especially with the cremation service or a burial service we tell families bring in as many mementos, frame pictures, anything that personalizes your loved one to make that room feel like them.

>> Please utilize that and that's something we use a lot.

And I notice that in the middle of that toddler table that must be an urn.

So this is it for a cremation service.

OK, and that's very nice.

And does the family oh we've got to talk about this just a second but does the family actually organize or design the the way things are set up or is that mainly the funeral director and the funeral assistants?

It all boils down to a lot of times I tell the families that I'm here to help in any way.

Some families will come in an hour before their private time and actually take the time to meet with me.

We pick out kind of just the color scheme they're looking at and just add in some of those details that they want where some families say Caitlyn, we want you to handle all of that and I'm more than happy to do that.

>> OK, so funeral directors work very hard and a lot of them are very detail oriented and I know it's appreciated by the families.

Let's go back to that motorcycle's fill fill us in on what this is.

>> So this is hardly and coach basically Trich and we've been using it the last couple of years.

It's becoming more and more popular with bike enthusiasts and want to have their final ride.

Yeah.

You know, usually accompanied by a few bikes with it.

Yeah.

Loud and thundering down the road and it's a great way to to say farewell.

>> It turns a lot of heads to in fact we featured that in the July 4th parade.

Correct.

And people loved it.

So that's how I want to go, you know and you don't even have to be a motorcyclist or a biker in order to to have that.

>> So I love that.

Let's go to the next slide now.

This looks like it's an outdoor venue.

>> Looks like it's probably went in the back of one of your funeral homes.

But our service is actually conducted here.

>> They can be it's just that's the idea.

It's a flexible warm, inviting space indoor outdoor whether it be a meal outside if the weather's nice or you know, it is connected to a chapel so families can go in and out as as they're wanted or it can just be a space to to get away too and and have some quiet reflection.

>> Oh, that's great.

That's a nice amenity.

Next slide please.

And now we're talking about of course another exterior outdoor amenity that you have and obviously the chairs and it's all dolled up.

It's nicely decorated and anything else I'd like to say about this this one for me I think is something I'd like to highlight is obviously this loved one absolutely loved golf.

This was at a different venue, not one of our funeral homes but this is really tailored to that person's interest and I think that spoke volumes to the family and of course anyone that attended that service people realized what how much personalization we really can do.

>> We have another slide after this is that that's it.

Personalization of a funeral.

Does that help people?

I mean when you have certain events let me give you an example.

I had one just recently a lady loved butterflies.

>> I was able to order and get them delivered overnight some butterflies that actually had they were refrigerator magnets or you can handle sticky things on them that you could stick them almost anywhere.

>> People love those and they took them with them and that was something to remember the deceased by.

So that's just one example that I've done.

But things like that doesn't that help people remember that service the funeral service or celebration of life a little bit better?

>> Absolutely I would think so.

And that's that was the whole goal for me to actually do that because they see that person in that butterfly that was you know, they could stick it anywhere they'd like but it was a nice touch and the family certainly appreciated things like that.

>> I've seen people give away candy bars.

We had a I know that there was a lady who died at the age of one hundred and so the family brought in I don't know where they got them because I haven't seen them on the shelves in the candy stores, any drugstores.

But the one hundred grand candy bar.

Yeah, the big ones they gave away everybody at that service won as they as they left side just little touches like that although it does mean a lot didn't have to it doesn't require a lot no.

>> Phil I want to ask him discuss the importance of planning a funeral.

>> I mean what are the benefits and who needs to be a part of this conversation so first off you need to involve your family, you know, children, spouse, all your loved ones need to know your wishes and that helps those things get carried out.

And then of course when you preplan it aloud it relieves a lot of that emotional burden and also the financial burden on those survivors.

There's a lot they're going to be dealing with at a time of your passing.

So having those things set in place and also as we see this personalization and customization talking to your family about that ahead of time makes it a lot easier for those wishes to be carried out.

Yeah, I recently we just had one with a champagne toast because my dad had always said he wanted a champagne toast when he passed away and the kids were kind of like that was he serious and yeah.

>> And so we did a champagne toast, you know and that's great and they did that the funeral home, is that correct?

Correct.

Well, I've seen that actually done at the gravesite committals as well, you know.

So I think that's that's a great of course kids can't be involved in that but but it's a it's a good ritual I think that helps and permeate that that time and Kaitlyn, I'm sure there are a lot of emotions involved when planning funerals whether they're probably not so much in the preplanning but at need as you do quite a bit of I'm sure how do you handle that with all the emotions running?

>> Well, I mean I know you've got to stay you as the funeral director but I'm sure and every funeral director I've ever met I've been very soft hearted, you know, how do you ride that line?

>> You know, that's something that I think everything director can speak on that when you are a funeral director you're meant to do this.

It's something that yes, staying in that professional realm but being that shoulder to lean on and cry on and to support them and just know that it's OK to cry.

It's OK to laugh five minutes later it's OK to feel those emotions and we'll get through this today and I know I'm meeting you for the first time but I'm going to be like a family member to you today.

Yeah.

And that comfort brings them ease during those arrangements .

That is so, so very important.

It really is.

And I know families are they need your guidance and your direction.

You know you don't deal with death or funerals on it everyday basis.

I mean people in the funeral profession like you folks deal with it every day so when people and families come to you they're asking basically for you even if they're not asking for it, they need your guidance and I know they couldn't do it themselves because there's a lot to it.

>> And let me ask you this, Phil.

What advice do you have for families to ensure a smooth process when planning a funeral for a loved one on the preneed side?

Obviously having those discussions and recording your wishes and making sure that those wishes get shared and then, you know, if you're recording it in a planning guide or something like that, making sure you're having family members know where that is, where they can find it so they're able to to bring it in at the time of need and it makes it it's a horrible day that they're living through everything like that just helps make it easier to deal with it and especially the people who have older parents.

Wouldn't it be wise to sit down with them and say Mom, dad , let's talk about this?

And even if they don't want to pay for preplanning, which kind of locks in all the prices so you don't have to deal with inflation down the road but at least write your wishes down or at least you can take notes.

>> What do you want at your funeral?

We want to make sure it's done right, you know and I think that if you approach it that way when you say that you're going to get some cooperation absolutely most likely what we've run out of time we could probably sit here for another hour, hour and a half talking about this whole subject but we've got to go.

>> But I do want to remind our viewers that we'll replay this program on our website at the PBS Fort Wayne website and also on YouTube and as always, we truly appreciate your viewership and your calls and your text and we'll see you next week here on LIFE Ahead.

Until then, have a great and healthy LIFE Ahead.

Good night and thanks for watching Support comes from D.O.

McComb and Sons serving Fort Wayne families since 1925, with funeral, cremation and pre-planning services providing guidance through times of remembrance.

More information at DignityMemorial.com